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Finished product

Protein Flapjack Recipe for Idiots

I hate the Great British Bake Off and everything it stands for. Berry and Hollywood can shove their creme patissiere up their respective arses.

Why waste your time slaving away mixing flour and other shit ingredients thta contain little to no nutrients when you could make a steak in 3 minutes that tastes infinitely better than anything that raises in a fucking tray?

Well, don’t get me wrong, I still hate baking, but it does have its uses. Steak is great, but you can’t really gnaw at a nice bit of topisde dripping with blood as a quick afternoon snack while you sit at your desk can you?

I usually have 2 meals at the office, but since I’ve started 6 day-a-week training, that’s simply not enough. I need to eat at least 3 times at work, in the past I’ve found my self stumbling to the canteen in a low blood sugar-induced daze to spend extortinate amounts of money (totted up over a month) on flapjacks or brownies. Not really optimal I’m sure you’ll agree.

With this in mind I decided to make my own flapjacks.

But these are no normal flapjacks, if the flapjacks you get in Costa Coffee et. al are Gok Wan, then my flapjacks are The Rock (coincidentally they also had the texture of a particularly hard rock, but I’ll try and address that in this post).

Yes, these are protein-fuelled muscle-building flapjacks that would make Mary Berry have a stroke. Want the recipe?

NOTE: They were pretty dry when I made them, but I’ll adjust the amounts in this recipe so yours hopefully won’t be!

 

Here’s what you’ll need;

  • Oats
  • Greek Yoghurt
  • Protein Powder
  • Sunflower Seeds
  • Almond Flour
  • Honey
  • Butter
  • Coconut Oil
  • Dark Chocolate

Sounds like a lot but trust me, there are other recipes out there that use a lot more than that.

 

Here’s what to do;

1. Pour about 400g of oats into a big tray. Throw some sunflower seeds in as well, as many as you want really.

Oats and Sunflower seeds
I know, it looks like cat litter.

 

2. Put the oats and sunflower seeds under a medium heat grill for about 10-15 mins, shuffle them around regularly to ensure they all get even heat exposure. Grilling them means they won’t expand when you add the other ingredients.

Toasted oats
Yes the tray has changed. Continuity Error.

 

3. Once they’re browned a bit, take them out and put them to the side

4. Get a mixing bowl, the biggest one you have in the house. Add your whey protein. How much you use is totally up to you, it depends how much protein (roughly) you want each flapjack to have. I think I used about 120g grams – which works out as a total of 90g of protein, so if you divide your mix up into 6 flapjacks, that’s 15g of protein each. Be mindful that the more protein you use, the more of the other ingredients you’ll have to use to stop the final product being overly dry.

SciTech Protein
I used SciTech Nutrition Vanilla Berry flavour

 

5. Add three eggs. Stir.

Egg and protein powder
Yeah, I know that’s one egg, you need two more

 

6. Add a heaped teaspoon of butter. Stir.

Add butter

 

7. Add a heaped teaspoon of coconut oil. Stir.

Add coconut oil

 

 

 

6. Add about 3 table spoons of Greek Yoghurt. Stir.

Add Yogurt

 

 

8. Add two heaped tablespoons of Almond flour

Add Almond Flour

 

 

9. Add a bunch of honey. Stir.

Add Honey
Yeah, it looks less like baby sick now

 

10. When it’s all mixed, pour it into the oats and stir it some more. If the mixture ends up really thick and stirring it is more strenuous than leg day, you need to add some more stuff. I would recommend adding another egg and maybe some more Greek Yoghurt. Keep doing that until it’s relatively easy to mix. Generally, the tougher it is to mix, the dryer the flapjacks will end up.

Mix together
I had too many oats and not enough mixture, so if yours looks like this, reduce the amount of oats or make more mixture

 

11. Stick it in the oven on about 180 degrees. Mine took about 25 minutes but you’ll have to keep checking it. You want it to be brownish but not burned. Turned it every 5 minutes to make sure they cook evenly.

Cooked to perfection

12. Once they’re done take them out and divide them up. If you want, melt some dark chocolate and slap on top of them.

Finished product
#GBBO eat your heart out

 

You’re done.

I’ll be honest, making these is quite a lot of effort, but if you’re one of those people that ends up spending tonnes of cash on protein-based snacks, then you’ll probably save quite a bit by making these yourselves. Especially when you consider that the average protein bar/flapjack costs £3-£4.

Granted, you could probably just get some ground oats and mix it with protein and use that as a snack, but these are more convenient and have a bunch of good fat in them to boot.

As for the macros, they’re really going to vary depending on the ratio of ingredients you use, but I’ll try and estimate;

KCals: ~350

Protein: ~20g

Carbs: ~45g

Fat: ~10g

If you make some, let me know how they turned out. Don’t be shy, they can’t be much worse than mine.

 

 

 

 

 

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